God is a funny funny one

Chapter 1

Matt struts through the living room proudly displaying his new sneakers. Tonight he starts at his new job and he's daydreaming about all of the money he'll have to take his girlfriends on dates with. Or maybe he could get some new 8-tracks to play while cruising in his new-to-him impala.

"Now Matt, remember you can't just quit this job" says his mom somewhat condescendingly. "He's a good boy" she thinks, "he just needs some discipline."

"I know mom" he replies. "Parents...grrr" he mutters under his breath.

"I heard that!" his mom replies

....

"I'm here to start" Matt tells the grumpy guy at the door.

"Kid, I don't car" grumpy growls back while eyeing Matt's new shoes.

Matt shrugs his shoulders before saying "Can you tell me where to check in?"

Grumpy points to a old guy with more holes in his mouth than teeth "Go see Gus"

Matt walks up to Gus "I'm here to start"

"Follow me" is what Matt thinks he hears though through the smacking of Gus's gums he couldn't quite tell, he followed him nonetheless.

"Here's your locker, lunchroom is over yonder and you might want this", Gus says about the apron that must be older than Matt.

"Yer ready or what"

"Yessir"

"Follow me"

Matt follows Gus through the halls and through the door labeled "Pickling in Process". "Time to make a buck, what could be so bad about a pickle factory after all?" Matt wonders.

Matt gags and just about faints as he passes through the door, vinegar, cucumbers, spices attack his head with full force. Green green green everywhere, and not the type of green he was envisioning as he was daydreaming.

"I'll get used to it, it's not that bad" he reassures himself.

"Greenhorns get to mop" Gus chokes out in between fits of laughter as he relishes his genius. "get it, greenhorns", he's still laughing 15 minutes later.

"Squish" as Matt steps into pickle slime, "Man, these are my new shoes", Matt would curse but he's somewhat afraid of Gus and grumpy and all the others in here.

....

4 hours later and Matt isn't getting used to it

....

another 2 hours and Matt wants to hang up his apron

"No, I can't, I have to at least get through this day, Mom would kill me!"

....

15 minutes left in his first day and Matt is covered with pickle juice from head to toe

....

Finally it's quitting time!

Matt runs out of work while tossing the apron aside, dodging pickles as he goes. He knows he's not going back there and wanders sheepishly up to his front door. "I just can't go back there, there's nothing she can do to make me, I've got pickles everywhere, even in my hair, and my new shoes are green and stink like pickles!"

Matt's mom hears the squeak of the front door and peeks around the corner to see Matt sulkily entering. Truth be told she could smell him before she should see him, and his shoes! They're green!

"Mom, I can't go back there"

....

and he never did

Chapter 3

It's 20 years later and Matt still has nightmares about pickles, some nights they gang up on him and attack him from all sides. His wife merely laughs. "She doesn't understand" he rationalizes, "She hasn't seen what I've seen". There's never been a pickle in his house, and he's protected his two little girls from ever having to eat one.

"Are you ready for Tom & Amanda to come visit" Matt asks the little ones
"TomAmanda!!" they say in unison

....

It's March in Minnesota, but instead of the snow it's been in the 80's. Today is going to be 89.

"Let's go to the zoo" Amanda suggests, "it's free"

....

"Girls, did you have fun looking at all the animals?" Amanda asks while eating at the zoo cafe.
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" the girls yell.
"Would you like a pickle?" Amanda knows Matt's intolerance for pickles, but Matt is in the restroom.
"Yummy" Riley says after her first bite
"Yummy" Taylor echos

4 pickles later Matt comes back

Chapter 4

"It's probably your mom" Tom tells Amanda as her cell phone rings
"Probably ... nope, it's Coach"
"Hey Coach ..... perfect!"
"Coach says that Riley started soccer practice, her team is called the "green pickles""

Editor's note
This is a mostly true account. Our buddy Matt did work one day at a pickle factory, Amanda did introduce the girls to pickles, We did get a call yesterday that the new soccer team is named the "Green Pickles". Funny stuff!